{"id":7046,"date":"2021-02-01T22:15:13","date_gmt":"2021-02-02T03:15:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/?p=7046"},"modified":"2021-09-07T15:21:41","modified_gmt":"2021-09-07T19:21:41","slug":"this-is-the-best-way-to-break-up-with-someone-according-to-experts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/2021\/02\/01\/this-is-the-best-way-to-break-up-with-someone-according-to-experts\/","title":{"rendered":"This Is the Best Way to Break Up With Someone, According to Experts"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By:<\/strong> Jamie Ducharme<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Publisher:<\/strong> Time Magazine<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Date: <\/strong>October 4th, 2018<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are few feelings worse than being dumped. But being the one to end the relationship may be a close second.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is, breakups aren\u2019t easy for either person. But if you\u2019re the one doing the dumping, there are a few things you can do to make the experience less painful for both you and your partner. Here\u2019s the best way to break up with somebody, according to relationship experts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tell the truth \u2014 but don\u2019t be cruel<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re ending a relationship, you owe it to the other person to explain why, says Rachel Sussman, a New York City psychotherapist and author of The Breakup Bible<\/em><\/a>. \u201cThe people that I see who have the hardest time after a breakup, it\u2019s because they don\u2019t understand,\u201d Sussman says. Ideally, your reason shouldn\u2019t shock the other person, because you\u2019ve discussed it in the past and tried to work through it, Sussman adds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guy Winch, a New York City psychologist and author of How to Fix a Broken Heart<\/em><\/a>, agrees that you should give a reason, but stresses that a breakup isn\u2019t license to unload all of your pent-up complaints and snide comments \u2014 even if the other person says they want to hear them. \u201cFind the one thing, because that might be useful for them [to know],\u201d he says. Listing every last annoyance isn\u2019t productive and will only drag out what\u2019s likely to be a painful conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s also important to choose your words carefully, the experts agree. \u201cPhrase something as, \u2018This bothers me,\u2019 or \u2018This really was difficult for me,’\u201d instead of blaming the other person, Winch says. What you feel is terrible isn\u2019t always objectively terrible, he says \u2014 just bad for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, resist the urge to soften the blow with platitudes. Saying, \u201c\u2018We can be friends,\u2019 or \u2018Now\u2019s not a good time for me,\u2019 all sound like, well, maybe in the future\u201d things could work out, Winch says. Don\u2019t imply that\u2019s the case if it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do it face-to-face<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Both Winch and Sussman say in-person breakups are the most considerate and mature option for established couples, and should preferably happen in a private place. \u201cIf it\u2019s in public, they might be distraught, and then they have to somehow get home, which is horrible,\u201d Winch says. The best place to do it is in their home, not yours, he adds, so you can leave if the situation gets too drawn out, and so that they\u2019re in a familiar place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That said, there are a few exceptions to the face-to-face rule, Winch says. Most importantly, if you fear for your safety in any way, you should keep your distance. (If you need support or help, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a>.) Aside from that, a phone-based breakup may be okay if you\u2019re dating long-distance, or if you\u2019ve only seen each other a few times. For very new dating situations that have only lasted a date or two, you can even get away with a text.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But even if you\u2019ve only been on one date, Winch says it\u2019s always better to be upfront, rather than ghosting<\/a>. He even recommends writing out a boilerplate message \u2014 something along the lines of, \u201cThank you, it was fun, but I didn\u2019t feel a romantic connection\u201d \u2014 and keeping it on hand for those situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf they contact you, have that cut-and-paste ready to go,\u201d Winch suggests. \u201cIt\u2019s easier than having to compose it. That\u2019s what really puts people off or makes them delay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be sure<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

All too often, Sussman says, the person who ends a relationship has second thoughts<\/a> once the deed is done, which only makes for a messy, painful situation. \u201cSpend some time soul-searching, journaling, talking to a really good friend or family member or talking to a relationship specialist\u201d to get your thoughts in order, Sussman says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While it may feel uncomfortable to carry on the relationship while you make up your mind, Winch says it\u2019s a necessary evil. \u201cEveryone who wants to break up, every single person, does not voice that the minute they think it. They have to process it and be sure and be ready,\u201d Winch says. \u201cThat\u2019s how it works.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once you\u2019ve resolutely decided to end things, however, you shouldn\u2019t delay the conversation or prematurely act like you\u2019re single, Sussman says. \u201cThe dumbest thing people do is get involved with other people before their relationship is over. They just want to have a plan B. It can also be to create distance, maybe even on some level of wanting to get caught,\u201d she says. \u201cIf you\u2019re involved with someone and the contract is exclusivity and monogamy, to cheat on that person<\/a> is the most hurtful thing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let them decide whether or not to contact you<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It may seem kind to check in on your ex or to maintain a friendly rapport after a breakup, but resist the impulse. Both Sussman and Winch say the person who got dumped should be the one to decide when, or if, they want to reopen contact \u2014 and ideally, that should only happen after you\u2019ve both moved on completely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe person who\u2019s been broken up with has a right, a couple weeks later, to say, \u2018Can we talk? Can we go over this again?’\u201d Sussman says. But aside from that, couples should take time apart before trying to become friends<\/a>, if they take that step at all, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let at least three months pass before starting any kind of friendship, Winch says \u2014 adding that most people who follow this rule opt not to get back in touch. If you\u2019re the person ending things, Winch says you should prepare yourself for that possibility and give your ex their space, as hard as that may be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Source: <\/strong>https:\/\/time.com\/5406794\/how-to-break-up-with-someone\/<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Comment:<\/strong> Time magazine once again does a nice job. I chose this article, because it identifies and explains the proper methodology for a break up. In particular I think this area of being sure is really important for students to learn. Its important to remember this, because not all times do relationships have to end. It can be a sudden jolt of impulsivity that leaves people heart broken. This would also lay the groundwork for being certain to bleed into other avenues of the student’s life as well creating a more confident person.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By: Jamie Ducharme Publisher: Time Magazine Date: October 4th, 2018 There are few feelings worse than being dumped. But being the one to end the relationship may be a close second. The truth is, breakups aren\u2019t easy for either person. But if you\u2019re the one doing the dumping, there are a few things you can […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":7047,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-7046","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-uncategorized"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7046","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7046"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7046\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7048,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7046\/revisions\/7048"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7047"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}