{"id":7043,"date":"2021-02-01T22:02:56","date_gmt":"2021-02-02T03:02:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/?p=7043"},"modified":"2021-09-07T15:23:00","modified_gmt":"2021-09-07T19:23:00","slug":"how-to-know-when-its-time-to-let-go-of-someone-you-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/2021\/02\/01\/how-to-know-when-its-time-to-let-go-of-someone-you-love\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Know When It’s Time to Let Go of Someone You Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By:<\/strong> Carly Breit<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Publisher:<\/strong> Time Magazine<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Date:<\/strong> August 27, 2018<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve ever seen a romantic comedy, you\u2019ve likely watched two people who find a way to be together \u2014 no matter what obstacles stand in their way. The reason is always simple: They\u2019re in love. But off screen, love isn\u2019t always enough to make a relationship last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, the feelings caused by romantic love<\/a> can be so strong, they can convince people to stay in relationships that are unhealthy, unfulfilling and ultimately unhappy \u2014 whether they realize it or not. For example, when people looked at photos of their romantic partners, dopamine \u2014 a chemical associated with reward that makes people feel good \u2014 was released in their brains, a 2015 study<\/a> published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience<\/em> found.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The way these chemicals make people feel can make them overlook logical decisions like leaving an unsatisfying relationship, says Julie Wadley, founder and CEO of matchmaking and coaching service Eli Simone<\/a>. \u201cWhen people are in love, they\u2019re driven off of the drug, the endorphins,\u201d she says. \u201cThe chemicals that tell you you\u2019re in love with this person are firing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While being in love undoubtedly feels good (and is good for your health<\/a>,) these feelings alone don\u2019t spur solid, lasting romantic relationships<\/a>. Here, experts explain some of the signs that indicate it may be time to let go:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your needs aren\u2019t being met<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Every person has different \u201crequirements\u201d that need to be met in a relationship, according to Wadley. These needs can be emotional, like wanting quality time with your partner, or functional, like requiring them to competently manage money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When one partner feels that the other isn\u2019t fulfilling a requirement, Wadley says, it\u2019s important to communicate that. If that person\u2019s partner isn\u2019t willing to try harder to fulfill that need, it\u2019s probably time to move on, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the reasons people stay in relationships that don\u2019t meet their needs stems from the negative views our society has about being single, according to Wadley. It may seem like if they leave the relationship, they may never find something better. But Wadley says that mentality wastes valuable time and perpetuates a person\u2019s unhappiness. \u201cYou could be taking that time to find someone who will give you what you need,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re seeking those needs from others<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When you get promoted at work or you\u2019re faced with a family emergency, who is the first person you want to tell? In a fulfilling, healthy relationship, the answer to those questions should be your partner, according to Wadley.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s great to have trusted colleagues at work, but Wadley says if you\u2019re constantly turning to a \u201cwork husband\u201d or \u201cwork wife\u201d for support, it may be a sign that you\u2019re not getting the support you need from your partner. \u201cIf you\u2019re like, \u2018I have a choice between talking to my boyfriend and talking to my guy friend, the guy who is constantly giving you that emotional affirmation that I need \u2014 I\u2019m going with the friend,\u2019\u201d Wadley says, \u201cSomething\u2019s not right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If either you or your partner is seeking emotional or physical fulfillment from people outside of your relationship, Wadley says it\u2019s a clear indication that it\u2019s probably time to end the relationship<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re scared to ask for more from your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s natural to feel uncomfortable talking to your partner about what you need and may not be getting from your relationship. But Wadley says open lines of communication are essential to lasting, healthy partnerships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPeople may think, \u2018That\u2019s going to make me sound needy and emotional,\u2019\u201d says Wadley. Instead of speaking up, they suppress how they feel, continue on with their dissatisfaction and feign contentment out of fear of feeling like a burden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThen something happens that breaks the camel\u2019s back,\u201d she says. And the argument that ensues can wind up being more damaging to the relationship than it would have been if you had addressed it sooner. Hiding your true feelings about how your partner is treating you likely prolongs the unfulfilling relationship, rather than saves it, according to Wadley. If you can\u2019t get past the fear of confronting your partner, it\u2019s probably time to seek help or part ways, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your friends and family don\u2019t support your relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Lindsay Chrisler, a New York-based dating and relationships coach<\/a> says you should take stock of how your trusted family members and friends feel about your relationship. \u201cIf nobody in the community supports your relationship, that\u2019s a red flag,\u201d she says. If the people who love and support you see that the person you\u2019re in love with isn\u2019t making you happy, it\u2019s a good idea to listen to their opinions, according to Chrisler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you decide push aside your friends\u2019 and family\u2019s concerns, it may lead to another sign that it\u2019s time to let go of the relationship: \u201cYou\u2019re starting to lie to your friends, you\u2019re starting to lie to yourself,\u201d says Chrisler. When you isolate yourself from your loved ones in order to avoid listening to their concerns, they\u2019re probably right \u2014 the relationship probably isn\u2019t, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You feel obligated to stay with your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

People are more likely to stay in relationships that they\u2019ve already invested time and effort in, a 2016 study<\/a> published in Current Psychology<\/em> found. This is similar to a money investment phenomenon known as the \u201csunk cost effect.\u201d<\/a> A prior investment leads to a continuous investment, even when the decision doesn\u2019t make you happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen it comes to people and relationships, time does not necessarily equal success,\u201d says Wadley, who added that many of her clients are reluctant to leave an unhappy relationship because they want to reap the rewards of their investment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But simply investing more time in a relationship with someone you love won\u2019t fix the problems. If both partners aren\u2019t willing to work to fulfill the other\u2019s needs, the relationship probably isn\u2019t worth more time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve been working on your relationship for more than a year<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Of course, when two people are in love and have spent years together or have started a family together, there is a stronger incentive to work out the problems, says Chrisler. Her advice is to seek couples\u2019 counseling if both partners want the relationship to work. But she caveats that you should set a time limit of one year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you spend too much time in indecision, it will erode the foundation of the relationship to the point where you can\u2019t really make it back,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After about a year of actively working on the relationship and unsuccessfully trying to meet each other\u2019s needs, the difficult decision to break up<\/a> is likely the best decision, according to Chrisler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t like your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

While it may sound counterintuitive, Chrisler says you can actually be in love with a person you don\u2019t like. If that\u2019s the case, you may get by day to day, but it will be nearly impossible to make it through difficult times together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All couples have disagreements, but people in healthy, loving relationships keep the mindset that \u201cthis is my friend, and I\u2019m going to get through this with this person,\u201d Chrisler says. \u201cAnd I don\u2019t know how you get through those things without liking them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, it\u2019s never easy to walk away from someone you love \u2014 even when the relationship isn\u2019t working, according to Chrisler. The key, she says, is to listen to the logical part of your brain, instead of submitting to the euphoric chemical reactions that love can cause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your partner is abusive<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s possible for people in an abusive relationship to love an abusive partner. One in four women and one in 10 men have been victims of intimate partner violence, according to a 2015 survey<\/a> conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. A 2010 study<\/a> conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health found that more than half of the women surveyed saw their abusive partners as \u201chighly dependable.\u201d One in five of the women surveyed said the men possessed significant positive traits, like \u201cbeing affectionate.\u201d Researchers found that these views contributed to some victims staying in abusive relationships<\/a>, among other reasons<\/a> \u2014 like isolation, extortion and physical violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it comes to abuse of any kind, Chrisler says it\u2019s crucial to safely find a way out. \u201cIt\u2019s difficult to get out of those relationships,\u201d she says. \u201cYou have to really love yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Source:<\/strong> https:\/\/time.com\/5373451\/break-up-someone-love\/<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Comment:<\/strong> I chose this article, because I believes it supplies a helpful amount of information regarding possible scenarios in which it is time to end a relationship. I think the most interesting one is when we seek the emotional support we need from others rather than our romantic partner. When other people begin fulfilling that emotional need you have, it is quite telling of how your partner is operating and requires action. You may need to talk, or end the relationship. Recognizing where emotional fulfilment is coming from is an important skill for students to learn. It will help them recognize where there happiness comes from easier hopefully leading to a more fulfilled romantic life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By: Carly Breit Publisher: Time Magazine Date: August 27, 2018 If you\u2019ve ever seen a romantic comedy, you\u2019ve likely watched two people who find a way to be together \u2014 no matter what obstacles stand in their way. The reason is always simple: They\u2019re in love. But off screen, love isn\u2019t always enough to make […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":7044,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-7043","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-uncategorized"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7043","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7043"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7043\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7045,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7043\/revisions\/7045"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7044"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7043"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7043"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/desis.osu.edu\/seniorthesis\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7043"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}